The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
