I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
