Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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