It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
His nipple licking is glorious
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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