I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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