theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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