I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she peed on how many people?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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