oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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