you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I don't deserve a penis
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
