I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
