I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
this boner is exhausting
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
