he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
