Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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