Where did you get a picture of my penis
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
