Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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