Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
