my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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