I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
