I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
50% drunk capacity currently
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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