Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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