to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
