Where did you get a picture of my penis
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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