I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
4 words: hood of his car
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
