My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
