dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
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It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize