new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Everyone says I win the strip club
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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