P.S. I can't hear my feet
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
