I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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