Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
