If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
