Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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