It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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