I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
