thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
