stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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