i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Where is the hickey?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
