life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I forget how to act sober
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