after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
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So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We left the knife in your bed.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
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Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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