When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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