What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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