Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
