walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Say something about gay babies.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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