Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I CAN MOONWALK!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
