i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
