I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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