when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
