i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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