She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
