ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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