i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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