Everything about him screamed your future.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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