Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
