I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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