It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
