just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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