Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
