fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
