My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i love accidental penises.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
