Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
