Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
wat bout pragnant strippers??
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
