Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
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One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
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The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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