I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Never underestimate the power of titties
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
