New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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