something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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