I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
