The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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