1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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