i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
