Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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