My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
