im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
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