I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
